Dear Miss Bitch Manners:
Q. I live with two male dogs who don't give me the respect
I deserve. I have to use my fangs to protect my food and my place
on the sofa. I'm told my mother could stop any dog in her house
with a look. How do I learn to do that? Young and Needing Help.
A. The "Bitch Look" can be very useful indeed. It is one all bitches should perfect. Fortunately, as a saluki, you have the advantage in this over other breeds, since your eyes are already slanted! (It is difficult to do this look effectively with big, round, protrubent eyes!)
First, lift your head slightly and drop your chin, so you appear to be looking down your nose at them. Narrow your eyes - not a full squint, but almost. Fasten your gaze on theirs. Hold that stare and do not blink! If you blink, you lose.
Make them be the first to look away. As you do this, think mean thoughts. Convey, if possible, the message that if they put you to the trouble of leaving the sofa, you'll eat their face.
Practice in front of a mirror. When you scare yourself, you've got it right. Initially, be ready to back it up with your fangs. Soon, the look alone is enough. Practice... and good luck.
Sincerely,
Miss Bitch Manners©
If you have a question for Miss Bitch
Manners, send it to her c/o Taliaferro
Simpson, Ltd, 5944 Old Providence Rd,
Charlotte, NC 28226.
Web Author: Joan Aaron
Last update June 3, 1996
