Ponchita, a Mexican saluki, is one of Bitchazel's top Bitching
Interns. She flies a Staggerwing Beechcraft and has recently taken
up computers.
Ay, chi-wa-wa, is it time for another article
already? Seems as if we just looked at how to put data into the
computadoras, no? Let's review: you put data in by keyboard,
by ratitto, little mousie, by diskette, by modem and some
can yell at it! Si, they can understand what you say, if
you have a microfono, so be careful. You get a computadora
angry and you get lots of errors!
Now, once you get your data in, what you going to do with it? That is called processing data. For some of you that is called confusion, no? You must get a good program to process your data. You can write it yourself if you reel smart or you can buy one. If you have a database, you may process your data to get a report of all the cream saluki dogs in your vecindad. If you find out that there are bunches and bunches, you might want to move! This is what databases are good for - to process your data. You may want to do math. I don't want to do math since it is real hard, but you may want to, so get a spreadsheet. You put a "2" in one cell of a spreadsheet and another "2" just below it in the next cell. Then you tell it to "add" the numbers and, caramba, you get "5"! You know what that means? That means you have very high values of "2", that's what that means. You better get them lowered if you want "4" for an answer! I leave the math to you smart ninas.
You may want to process your words so what do you think you should buy? Ay, chi-wa-wa, no, not a secretary, you buy a word processing program. I got one but it didn't like most of my words and didn't process very many so I took another course in English to learn to write this good. I say Ay, chi-wa-wa all the time but it always say, "that is not in the dictionary. No suggestions." That is where I was born, Chihuahua, but when I spell it right, the word processor can't figure it out. I dropped a bundle on that program and it could not even figure out where it was! What a zopenco! So, I moved. Now we live in Coahuila but I don't think it knows where that is, either.
You may want to process your stuff and send it to someone else. You use a communication program and send it over a modem. Modems are little boxes that put words on your screen like, "error," or "you've got to be kidding," and things like that.
Sometimes you get really brave and use your local network to send your data to the El Serveron to be processed. Sometimes you get back processed data. Sometimes you have to organize an expedition and go looking for your lost data. Lots of times you report your data missing in action and never see it again. You better start keeping copies if you are messing with a big El Serveron.
Next time we talk about getting your data back out, O.K.? ©
+ I got a letter this month from Obsessed Annie, who says: "Dear Senorita Ponchita, mine is a computadoras problem. I operate in a Windows environment and my problem is with Photoshop. Please tell me why almost every time I open Photoshop I get the message that "GROWSTUB" has created a "General Protection Fault". I close the software and go back and everything is fine. How can I fix this? Clearing this up has become an obsession with me. Please help. I will be anxiously awaiting your solution. Imploringly yours, Obsessed Annie, Annie's Elite Designs, Acton, CA.
I answered: Dear Annie, Sounds like you got what we professionistas call a "puttoomucho" problem. You trying to put too much stuff in a little bitty memory area. You get it all put in there and then here comes a piece of your Photoshop and it steps on another program's memory. This is like putting three bitches in one crate. Somebody gonna get bit before this trip is over, I tell you! If this is your only error problem, you one lucky perrita. But if you real brave, pull down your File menu and at the run line, type "SYSEDIT" and watch all the good stuff that comes up on your screen! Ay, chi-wa-wa, there will be more stuff to get you in really deep poo so be very careful and do exactly what Ponchita say. You gonna get your "Break Points" expanded! You ever had your break points expanded? You in for a thrill! Here we go.
Select the little window called "System.ini" Scroll
down to "[386Enh]", open a new line just below that
and carefully type "MaxBps=768" and save it. You type
the words and don't type the quotations in and there are no spaces
around the "=". You pull down File and "Save".
Then start up Windows again. If you don't understand this, that's
O.K., because it is really magic stuff.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't! And remember, type carefully,
because without a thumb, you can't get in a real big hurry!
Obsessed Annie answered:
Dear Ponchita,
Senorita, you are a genius, even without thumbs! No more "GROWSTUB"
General Protection Faults! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! ©
c1996 Innovative Internet
Updated: January 13, 1997