Children's
Corner Children's
Corner 
Granny Bitch: Today I am interviewing Sugah and Pepper, a couple of bitches who co-own a human they call Mom. Girls, I understand you recently put Mom in Obedience. How is that going?
Pepper: It is considerably more difficult than I expected. We are having some problems neither of us were prepared for.
Sugah: Oh, my, yes. I put on my collar and attach Mom to me with a leash and the most horrible thing happened! Mom went blind! Completely, totally BLIND!
GB: Surely not! That isn't supposed to happen with obedience training! Was there an accident?
S: No. Mom's sight returns as soon as obedience training is over, but I think maybe she just gets nervous or something. She just starts walking into us like we aren't there. I know she wouldn't do this if she could see us. In fact, she often reaches out and touches us or scratches our ears, which I am pretty sure is to reassure herself that we are really there.
P: We have found out that if we hang back just a little, keeping our shoulder or neck even with her stifle, we can tell when she is about to turn into us and we can avoid the collision. I do worry about her though, and I try to keep an eye on her all the time so she doesn't wander off and hit the end of the leash.
S: Yes, me too! She seems to get in some kind of a panic, and just walks around aimlessly, turning this way and that, all without any sense. She is lucky Pepper and I are there to keep her from getting lost.
P: We have tried to show her more interesting ways to go, but when we tug gently on the end of the leash, she doesn't seem to understand. So far, it has been easier to follow along with her than to try to get her to come along with us.
GB: Is this all she does? Just wander?
P: No, I think there are other signs of confusion. She stops. Just stops in the middle of nowhere and for no reason. Then she starts walking again.
S: Lately she has gotten a little strange about stopping, too. Stopping is bad enough, but now she wants us to sit by her side. Then, as soon as we sit, she starts walking again! It isn't worth the effort but I haven't been able to explain it to her yet.
P: I have been introducing Mom to a new game I call DOWN. She gets a piece of hot dog and when I lie down, she gives it to me.
S: Yes, Mom seems to like this game a lot. Pepper plays it with Mom first, and I test Mom on it. When it is my turn to work her, I don't lie down as easily as Pepper does to see if Mom will give me the treat without me actually doing all of the exercise. So far, Mom is doing a good job of waiting until the proper time to give us the treat.
GB: Are you teaching Mom anything else?
P: Well, she is new to obedience, so we haven't done much with her yet. We don't want to go too fast, you know. It would confuse her.
S: But it is very important that she learn those basic lessons. It is for her own safety. Like the new lesson we are working on. We call it the Recall. When Mom goes wandering off and gets lost, she needs to know this one. She calls one of us by name and says, "Come", at which point we go racing off to find her....as soon as we can Recall where she might be, which is where we get the name for the exercise.
P: Mom's part of this exercise is to have a piece of hot dog waiting as her way of saying "Thanks for finding me."
S: When we find her, we sit right in front of Mom until she realizes she isn't alone any more.
P: Sometimes we sit sideways to block her better. When she realizes we are there, she gives us the piece of hot dog and then tells us it is okay to go to the heel position. This means she is ready to go wandering again.
S: Pepper, have you noticed that Mom sometimes forgets to give us the piece of hot dog when we find her now?
P: Sometimes. I am beginning to wonder if this obedience training is too much stress for her.
GB: Fascinating. This sounds like a lot of work for the two of you. Don't you get tired?
P: No, not really. There are the two of us, and that helps a lot. We can divide the work. Besides, we are teaching Mom some exercises that give her a little more independence while we just stay in one place and watch to be sure she doesn't get into trouble.
S: I worry so about Mom during these exercises that I sometimes go check on her. Then she says funny stuff, like, "You broke your stay", which is ridiculous. I don't even have a "stay", whatever that is, and I'm sure I didn't break anything.
GB: Sugah, I think she means that you didn't stay where she left you.
S: Oh! Well, maybe so. But it was only because I was so concerned about her being all alone.
GB: I'm sure. What do you girls do during these "stay" exercises?
P: That depends. If Mom isn't going to be gone very long, she usually tells us to sit. Of course, sitting isn't terribly comfortable, so if I get tired, I lie down.
S: I don't! I'm so worried about Mom that I keep sitting so I can get to her faster if she needs me. I can watch her better while I'm sitting.
P: So how come you don't run to her faster when she calls for help? You just trot over there, taking your time! I run!
S: You only run because you think she has some hot dog for you. I trot because it isn't ladylike to run for food. Besides, she usually isn't in trouble so there is no great hurry. She needs to learn some independence.
P: Anyway, if Mom is going to be gone a longer time, she is considerate enough to tell us that we can lie down. I like this exercise! Nap Time!
S: Nap Time? Not out at the training grounds. There is too much going on. I can't stay down because I can't see everything from the floor.
GB: Does this disturb Mom?
S: Yes, it does. She gets all excited and runs back to tell me to lie down. Mom is a very kind person and she is obviously afraid that I will get tired. She underestimates my energy and stamina!
GB: Are there any other exercises you are teaching Mom?
P: Just one. It doesn't really make a lot of sense. Mom will be walking along and she tells us to "stand", which means that we stop going with her. We just stand still and someone else comes over and touches us.
S: I don't like that part at all!
P: Me either! But it doesn't take very long and then Mom comes back.
S: This one wasn't our idea. Mom thought this one up by herself.
P: You can see that humans try to be creative, but they lack a certain logic.
GB: What comes next? Are you going to show Mom?
P: If we do show her, we will take turns taking her into the ring. That way we can each earn our Chaperon Discipline degree!
GB: If you decide to take Mom through advanced training, please
come back and tell us about it! ©
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Updated: January 13, 1997