So you hate going to dog shows? Here are 10 surefire ways to
persuade your owners to quit hauling you to dog shows!
1) Throw up on yourself on the way to the show.
2) Run around the ring backwards while your owner isn't looking.
3) As soon as you get stacked, move all of your feet in all directions at the same time. (It is equally effective to wait until you are stacked and then move one foot, and when that is reset, move the other, etc.)
4) Only show well when there are no points available.
5) When showing outdoors, act like there is liver on the ground and run around the ring with your head down and your nose pointed toward the center of the ring.
6) Wait until the judge gets right beside you and fake a "cream neuron figit".
7) Mimic a "poor sheep being led to slaughter."
8) Run sideways on the down and back to confuse the judge.
9) Only do the 'show trot' when the judge is not looking.
10) If things have gone too well and you are in danger of winning a major, throw up on the judge.
Special Bitching Secret - act very happy after the show is
over. This makes them feel very guilty and will often earn extra
attention, rewards, and... yes..... COOKIES!
c1996 Innovative Internet
Updated: January 13, 1997